Why Winning Doesn't Matter
Updated: Dec 14, 2021
โ๐๐๐ซ๐! ๐๐ค๐ช๐ง! ๐๐๐ง๐๐! ๐๐ฌ๐ค! ๐๐ฃ๐!โโฆ
โฆThere was a moment of silence - a single second that felt like an eternity, followed by a roar from the crowd. All of the space I had just a second ago was now filled with people rushing in for hugs, handshakes, and pat on the backs while I pushed through them to properly acknowledge my opponent.
I grab him (my opponent) and push through the crowd to have him properly acknowledged by the audience. In my mind, โThis guyโs a beast. I definitely just got lucky.โ And because I didnโt feel like I deserved it, I wanted to make sure that the applause was going in the right directionโฆto him.
The trophy gets shoved in my face and I grab it just to get it out of the way, not even thinking about it. Itโs not until someone forces me to turn towards the crowd of what must've been over a thousand people that I realizeโฆ
"๐ ๐๐ช๐จ๐ฉ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ง๐๐๐จ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ก๐ ๐พ๐๐๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐๐ค๐ง๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐ฟ๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐ค" - ๐ ๐๐ค๐๐ก ๐โ๐ซ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐ค๐ซ๐๐ง ๐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐ง๐จ.
Hundreds of phones focused in on me, lights flashing as I take a bow in three different directions of the crowd, people still applauding. And in that moment, I feltโฆ
๐๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐. ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฉ๐ฎ. ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ง๐จ๐๐ง๐ซ๐๐ฃ๐, ๐๐ซ๐๐ฃ.
Not feeling like Iโve proved myself enough yet, I slapped on a smile and did an extra Dance in hopes of offering more value before leaving the stage - hoping that the extra few 8 counts would help me feel more validated.
After leaving the stage, I took pictures with peop
le who would normally just walk past me on any other day. I got praise from kids and their parents. Strangers wanted to see how they could follow me on social media. And all I could think to myself was; โnow I have to through my instagram and delete the crappy videos of myself.โ
And after everything calmed down, I went home alone. I stayed up that night, beating myself up, criticizing everything I did, and wondering what I shouldโve done differently. The worst part โ I felt wrong for feeling this way because everyone expected me to be happy.
๐๐ค, ๐ ๐ก๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐ฉ๐๐๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ฎ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐ง๐จ.
So why was I feeling so shitty about accomplishing something that I had wanted for so long? Why was I always feeling so shitty about all of my achievements?
After a lot of reflection and self-work, I realized that I had been living my life looking for validation. And no, I didnโt realize that on the surface level that most people do. I realized it on a deeper level. On a level of โIโve been making my whole existence about being validated.โ And a layer deeper than that; I was looking for validation because I somehow believed that if I got enough of it, I would finally be someone who mattered.
In other words, I lived my whole life with the subconscious belief : โ๐ ๐๐ค๐ฃโ๐ฉ ๐ข๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐งโ
And I somehow thought that accomplishing XYZ would fill in the void that I didnโt even realize I had.
๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐พ๐พ๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฟ.
Itโll simply act as a blanket and to cover up the hole. And at some point youโll find yourself falling into it, lost, stuck, and unfulfilled. Iโm sure many of you successful folks know what Iโm talking about.
So, what now? How do we fill in the void if not through success and accomplishments? Itโs simple, really. Not easy, but simple.
๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ก๐๐๐ง ๐ค๐ฃ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐จ๐ฉ๐ค๐ง๐ฎ:
*What is the story that you have about yourself?
*Is it actually true or is it your interpretation?
๐พ๐ง๐๐๐ฉ๐ ๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฉ๐ค๐ง๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ค๐ฌ๐๐ง๐จ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช.
*Not just one that just flips the old story 180 degrees. Nothing like switching โI donโt matter โ to โI do matter.โ Example of my own: โI donโt matterโ โ โI have a unique perspective to offer.โ
*Choose to behave and take action from that empowered place in everything that you do.
This is especially for hardworking hustlers. People who get caught up in the doing and forget โwhat for.โ
๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐๐ค๐ข๐ฅ๐ก๐๐จ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ก๐ค๐ฉ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐๐๐๐ก ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฉ๐ฎ?
๐๐ ๐จ๐ค, ๐๐ค๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฉ๐ ๐๐ฉ?
Iโd love to hear about your experiences. Share them below, or feel free to message me if youโd like to share them more privately!
View the experience here and notice how well the "I don't matter" belief was hidden.