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Why Winning Doesn't Matter

Updated: Dec 14, 2021

โ€œ๐™๐™ž๐™ซ๐™š! ๐™๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง! ๐™๐™๐™ง๐™š๐™š! ๐™๐™ฌ๐™ค! ๐™Š๐™ฃ๐™š!โ€โ€ฆ

โ€ฆThere was a moment of silence - a single second that felt like an eternity, followed by a roar from the crowd. All of the space I had just a second ago was now filled with people rushing in for hugs, handshakes, and pat on the backs while I pushed through them to properly acknowledge my opponent.

I grab him (my opponent) and push through the crowd to have him properly acknowledged by the audience. In my mind, โ€œThis guyโ€™s a beast. I definitely just got lucky.โ€ And because I didnโ€™t feel like I deserved it, I wanted to make sure that the applause was going in the right directionโ€ฆto him.

The trophy gets shoved in my face and I grab it just to get it out of the way, not even thinking about it. Itโ€™s not until someone forces me to turn towards the crowd of what must've been over a thousand people that I realizeโ€ฆ

"๐™„ ๐™Ÿ๐™ช๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™—๐™š๐™˜๐™–๐™ข๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™๐™ง๐™š๐™š๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ฎ๐™ก๐™š ๐˜พ๐™๐™–๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™’๐™ค๐™ง๐™ก๐™™ ๐™Š๐™› ๐˜ฟ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™š ๐˜พ๐™๐™ž๐™˜๐™–๐™œ๐™ค" - ๐™– ๐™œ๐™ค๐™–๐™ก ๐™„โ€™๐™ซ๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™™ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š๐™ง ๐Ÿ” ๐™ฎ๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™จ.

Hundreds of phones focused in on me, lights flashing as I take a bow in three different directions of the crowd, people still applauding. And in that moment, I feltโ€ฆ

๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ. ๐™€๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ฉ๐™ฎ. ๐™๐™ฃ๐™™๐™š๐™ง๐™จ๐™š๐™ง๐™ซ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ, ๐™š๐™ซ๐™š๐™ฃ.

Not feeling like Iโ€™ve proved myself enough yet, I slapped on a smile and did an extra Dance in hopes of offering more value before leaving the stage - hoping that the extra few 8 counts would help me feel more validated.

After leaving the stage, I took pictures with peop

le who would normally just walk past me on any other day. I got praise from kids and their parents. Strangers wanted to see how they could follow me on social media. And all I could think to myself was; โ€œnow I have to through my instagram and delete the crappy videos of myself.โ€

And after everything calmed down, I went home alone. I stayed up that night, beating myself up, criticizing everything I did, and wondering what I shouldโ€™ve done differently. The worst part โ€“ I felt wrong for feeling this way because everyone expected me to be happy.

๐™‰๐™ค, ๐™„ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™š๐™™. ๐™๐™๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™ง๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™–๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™›๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™™ ๐™—๐™š๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™–๐™ฎ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ” ๐™ฎ๐™š๐™–๐™ง๐™จ.

So why was I feeling so shitty about accomplishing something that I had wanted for so long? Why was I always feeling so shitty about all of my achievements?

After a lot of reflection and self-work, I realized that I had been living my life looking for validation. And no, I didnโ€™t realize that on the surface level that most people do. I realized it on a deeper level. On a level of โ€œIโ€™ve been making my whole existence about being validated.โ€ And a layer deeper than that; I was looking for validation because I somehow believed that if I got enough of it, I would finally be someone who mattered.

In other words, I lived my whole life with the subconscious belief : โ€œ๐™„ ๐™™๐™ค๐™ฃโ€™๐™ฉ ๐™ข๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™งโ€

And I somehow thought that accomplishing XYZ would fill in the void that I didnโ€™t even realize I had.

๐™‹๐™๐™Š๐™๐™„๐™‹: ๐™Ž๐™๐˜พ๐˜พ๐™€๐™Ž๐™Ž ๐˜ผ๐™‡๐™Š๐™‰๐™€ ๐™’๐™„๐™‡๐™‡ ๐™‰๐™Š๐™ ๐™๐™„๐™‡๐™‡ ๐™๐™ƒ๐™€ ๐™‘๐™Š๐™„๐˜ฟ.

Itโ€™ll simply act as a blanket and to cover up the hole. And at some point youโ€™ll find yourself falling into it, lost, stuck, and unfulfilled. Iโ€™m sure many of you successful folks know what Iโ€™m talking about.

So, what now? How do we fill in the void if not through success and accomplishments? Itโ€™s simple, really. Not easy, but simple.

๐™‚๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™˜๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ฎ:

*What is the story that you have about yourself?

*Is it actually true or is it your interpretation?

๐˜พ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š ๐™– ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฌ ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™š๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™š๐™ง๐™จ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช.

*Not just one that just flips the old story 180 degrees. Nothing like switching โ€œI donโ€™t matter โ€ to โ€œI do matter.โ€ Example of my own: โ€œI donโ€™t matterโ€ โ†’ โ€œI have a unique perspective to offer.โ€

*Choose to behave and take action from that empowered place in everything that you do.

This is especially for hardworking hustlers. People who get caught up in the doing and forget โ€œwhat for.โ€

๐™ƒ๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™–๐™˜๐™˜๐™ค๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ก๐™ž๐™จ๐™๐™š๐™™ ๐™– ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก ๐™›๐™š๐™š๐™ก ๐™š๐™ข๐™ฅ๐™ฉ๐™ฎ?

๐™„๐™› ๐™จ๐™ค, ๐™๐™ค๐™ฌ ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™™๐™š๐™–๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฌ๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™ž๐™ฉ?

Iโ€™d love to hear about your experiences. Share them below, or feel free to message me if youโ€™d like to share them more privately!

View the experience here and notice how well the "I don't matter" belief was hidden.

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